When the going gets tough...

A bit of a panic struck today... I blame Honisberg mostly, and myself a little. Allow me to organize this with headings because I am a sheep.

Things that were stressing me out

The Prospect of Failure
First, Honisberg telling us that everybody passes, creating in me the panic that I won't and I will embarrass myself, my friends, my family, and the law firm that so graciously hired me and paid for my bar prep. I think I'd been in a stupor for the last few weeks, chugging along, being a sheep, and forgetting that some sheep don't pass. The reality hit me today- there is nothing that guarantees I will pass.


The Paced Program
Second, I fell a little behind on the Paced Program for the first time... it started with just missing an essay and putting off reading the Conviser on Remedies on Sunday, due to an improptu house hunting trip and an allegedly 'scheduled' power outage... then it grew to an essay, a conviser section, reviewing a half-assed performance test, and a set of MBEs due to a headache and general laziness last night. This became an all out panic today when faced with the prospect of catch-up plus a simulated performance test and more MBEs. Then, looking ahead I realized that next week is the last week of real substantive material, and they've saved the best for last- community property and wills/trusts- the two subjects I didn't take in law school.

The Performance Exam
I didn't feel like Honisberg gave us a very good technique for approaching the Performance Exam. I half-assed the assigned one last night because I was just so overwhelmed by it. I told myself that Honisberg would explain it all and go into a more detailed theory today. I was wrong. He basically said 'this was easy' and then moved on to 17,647 other examples of what the bar examiners might expect us to be able to do. Most of his examples did not have sample answers, leaving us still mystified. Couple this with someone telling me on break about someone they knew who failed the entire bar on account of the performance exam... I guess I'd been writing off the Performance Test as 'that other part of the bar exam that is annoying but easy so I won't worry about it.' And today I started seeing it as 'that other part of the bar exam that may f*ck me over because there is no real way to prepare for it.'

A danger to the community
And finally, Paris Hilton is out on the streets again- free to drunkenly run into me on the way to the nearest In n Out. Ok, this isn't really a concern considering she (a) would never be caught dead in Fresno, and (b) is a changed woman.

Things I did to stop freaking out
So, in the midst of my freak-out I did the following things:

1. cried
2. took a power nap
3. cried
4. told myself to stop freaking out, take a bathroom break and get to work (not literally take a bathroom break, but more in the sense that Honisberg told us to)
5. Got to work

Conclusion
And in the end, I was uber-productive today.

The Prospect of Passing
I've decided to go glass-half-full. I went to a top 30 school that has a 80% pass rate (I think). I am a first time test taker. I don't have any of the crazy distractions that would make for a Honisberg story. I am working my ass off. And most importantly- I can be a sheep!

The Performance Test
I was very strict with my simulation today and felt pretty confident when it was over. These things are doable, and in my opinion, more a mind game than anything else. Yes, three hours is a long time to focus when you have no water and a stack of shit to read and make sense of, but three hours is also a long time in which to do a good job of reading through the stack of shit, make sense of it, and perhaps take a break to go to the water fountain. I'll be anxious to see my grade on this one. Also, I am vowing to not half-ass the remaining assigned Performance Exams so that I will be feeling more confident about them by 7/24.

The Paced Program
I am caught up with the Paced Program- even having read the Remedies Conviser for tomorrow and made flashcards. I'm super excited that remedies promises to be mostly a review of contracts and torts concepts with a little more depth. And that the rest of this week includes only another essay workshop and professional responsiblity- which, since we did already take the MPRE, really means no new material this week. I'm even more excited that if I finish my assignment in a timely manner tomorrow I may actually get around to the piling up laundry and disgustingly dirty house.

A blessing to the community
Paris Hilton is going to save the world- what's not to be excited about? And if I've learned anything from her ordeal... It's that when the going gets tough the tough get going (after crying a little first... something about 'it's not right').

Performance Anxiety

Is anyone else just incredibly overwhelmed upon attempting their first peformance test? Is Honisberg going to give us a little more concrete advice tomorrow on how to organize this all a little better? I did everything he said, just took my 5-10 minute break, and still have no f*ing clue what to write.

In other news, my 5-10 minute break consisted on dealing with yet another power outage. This time, the universe thought it was really funny to turn the power back on, right after I got off the phone with the PG&E man to report the outage. If I fail the performance exam, I'm blaming PG&E.

The Universe and Me

Does anyone else feel like the universe is having a great time playing tricks on us while we're uber-stressed? Last night circa 11:30 I had just (luckily) printed my civ pro essay to turn in for grading. I was reading through the sample answer and POOF out went the power. After a few minutes of yelling at myself for not keeping a flashlight handy, I lit a candle, found the number for PG&E and gave them a ring. "Yes ma'am, that is a scheduled outage. The power will be back on at 2pm tomorrow." WTF?? They can do that?? Isn't this some sort of a due process violation... power = life... interest in life = protectable by due process... PG&E = equivalent of big bad gov't? My husband's solution? Just go to bed. My solution? Study by candle light- the way our founding fathers and such became lawyers back in the day. This morning was even worse- getting ready without my straightening iron, morning caffeine fix, and most importantly- Good Morning America. A travesty of enormous proportions. It's back on now, thankfully. Unfortunately, my tivo hasn't yet recovered and keeps telling me there is 'Satellite Info Error'. Probably for the best, I'm supposed to devote the next three hours of my life to Bart's Toys Performance Exam anyways.