Happiness is.... PASSING THE BAR!!!!!

Hi, my name is insane.

In my anxious state, I decided it would be a good idea to look for that ID card that has the info we'll need to access results on Friday. Found it, no problem. It was still in the ziploc bag that I have been afraid to touch since July 26th. So I set it on the dresser in the living room where I keep all the important stuff. Then I thought... what if during Husband's fabulous plans on Friday we get stuck in traffic or our car breaks down and I want to check my results from my fabulous new Samsung Blackjack? I should keep the ID card in my wallet, so that I have it with me at all times on Friday and can thereby check my results from anywhere. Pat on the back. I start walking to my purse and stop suddenly. Wait! What if my wallet were stolen between now and Friday at 6pm. That's when I realized I had gone insane.

The Talk

So this whole waiting thing is just plain awful- less than 48 hours to go. My boss sat me down today and assured me that (a) I won't lose my job if 'it doesn't go well on friday' and (b) taking the bar exam a second time wouldn't kill me. It was very very sweet of him to say nice things like that, but it really just made me want to cry. But that would have made me look weak, so I waited and cried in the car on the way home. I got home with mascara running down my face and Paul was confused as to why I was crying. "Why are you stressing? There's nothing you can do." My point exactly. I should note that to his credit, he may not totally understand, but he is still amazing. He, too, is taking Friday off of work and apparently has a whole day of activities planned so that I won't be watching the seconds tick away all day.

In other news, we got a 3 day notice to perform covenant or quit because our stupid apartment manager just noticed that we've had a satellite dish for the 11 months we've lived here and never paid the additional $100 deposit. I'm drafting a letter arguing waiver. Too bad they didn't serve it next week when I could (hopefully) sign Esq. after my name.

Ok. Gotta go puke now. Seriously, this waiting this is the worst thing ever.

Can't Sleep... the Bar Examiners will eat me

it's 11:00pm... far past my new grown-up bed time. but i can't sleep. not with less than 4 days to bar results.... a mere 91 hours to be exact. i started feeling it today- nervous, nauseous, shaky, on edge- sort of like how I felt with 91 hours before Day 1 of the bar, but this time it's almost worst. because there's nothing i can do. it's out of my control now.

one of the attorneys i work with sent me an email today to say how impressed he was with my work and how he can't wait until i get my bar results. that should be good, that should make me happy. but instead, i have this feeling in the pit of my stomach and this evil thought in the back of my head... what if i let him down?

but i've already done everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen. so for the next 91 hours, i'll just keep my fingers crossed. and i'll try to get some sleep too.

A New Chapter is Being Written

We had chinese for dinner tonight. My fortune cookie said "a new chapter is being written in your life." I hope that means the bar examiners are writing "pass" next to my name. 2 weeks to results. Deep breath.

I still love my job. I just finished second-chairing my first trial. Well, second-chairing in the sense of getting to do everything but actually talk. Although they did let me argue objections during sidebars and when we went over jury instructions. It was awesome. I'm working on an opposition to a motion for summary judgment now. I've already done 5 complaints, the first round of discovery in 3 cases (2 of which were class actions), 4 motions to compel, an appellate brief to the 9th circuit, and a handful of other random motions. I'm also getting ready to present the defense side of a case to a mock jury for a trial we have coming up in January. If all goes well in 2 weeks, I'll be questioning a witness or two in that trial. And best of all- I'm having one of our secretaries (a notary public) swear me in asap after results so that I can take my first deposition on 11/21. Yeah, my job sort of rocks.

So, take another deep breath. Two weeks from right now, we'll be attorneys.

Take this job and love it.

Just thought I'd pop in to report...

I LOVE MY JOB.

So law school was worth it. Giving up my summer to study for the bar was worth it. (Well... assuming the results are good in a couple of months).

But seriously- I could not have made a better decision. The fact that my firm is small is great because they are giving me so much responsibility right from the start, and at the same time I still have great access to two amazing attorneys no matter how stupid my questions are. Everybody I work with is awesome. I have been to two depositions and a mediation in the last week and a half. I've traveled down to Bakersfield, and up to San Francisco. I've met at least 10 real clients. I have an office- with a door. And I now have a full case load of 12 cases- cases that I will get to take depositions on as soon as I get sworn in this December. Cases that I will ultimately get to settle or take to trial. If all goes well, I will have filed my first lawsuit by the end of the week.

I have turned into a complete workaholic because I really love the work. I want to become an amazing advocate and litigator. I just can't help but smile. I am living my dream.

Almost an Attorney

And so it begins.... I start work tomorrow. I have had a wonderful break. Our cruise was awesome, my house is clean and organized once again, I have bought a whole new wardrobe of lawyerly clothes, and most importantly I believe I have had more drunken nights in the last three weeks than I had in all four years of college. The bar exam is but a distant memory at this point. That's all. Just thought I'd check in. It may be a while before I check back.... The small firm I'll be working at (read: 2 other attorneys) has a trial starting a week from tomorrow so my first few weeks promise to be anything but boring. It sort of feels like second year of law school all over again - just when you thought the worst of it was over (this time the bar exam), you realize that there's just a whole new set of challenges ahead. But this time- I get a paycheck, and truth be told, I'm really excited about my job. Good luck to everyone out there starting jobs or still looking for them. If the next 3 months go anything like the last three weeks, that fateful day in November will be here before we know it.